My afternoon baseball game just went sour, so what better option than to stifle the tube and retire outside to the writer’s perch.

At 3:10 P.M. the day has about reached as warm as it will get. It is borderline hot , but it is remarkably loud. No, it’s not traffic noise. In fact, there is no traffic . How then is it loud ?

For starters, the whirring, blurring drone that won’t be heard again for 17 years. I trust that that is sufficient hint . If not, study up, dear reader. These locusts are of biblical fame, you know !

Yes, they are monotone, but if you listen carefully one of them will tangent off to its own little variant that sounds sorta funky. Who knows ? It’s probably the same one that in the next minute will go flying into the side of your head at reckless speed , then fall sputtering to the ground on its back, lifeless forever more ! Such drama , comical abandon.

Speak up , soft speaker, if you wish to be heard ! There are other guests at this party. It is becoming more difficult to hear you. This is the middle of the woods . The birds are chirping, too. A nearby woodpecker is barely audible, despite the echo from his tough old Hickory tree.

The locusts supply the base in today’s bucolic symphony. Next in the blend are the cicadas, notably different from their locust brethren, but when mixed, this is where the L word becomes real. Real loud.

One might think that the cicadas brought their castanets with them to the woods. Their sound is notably percussive. How do they do that, anyway ?

Not to be outdone, Mr. Bullfrog tunes up ! He is sooooo baritone. He surely has a part in this afternoon’s orchestra. What would all of these insects and birds do without a contribution from the pond ? Again, part of nature’s balance that many a less than practiced ear takes for granted.

My train of thought is suddenly disturbed by an unsettling notion. Upon the next occurrence of these beady-eyed locusts, my trajectory suggests that I will have reached the tender age of 84. DAMN ! I may be truncated before then.

What are my chances of convincing these locusts to shake a leg the next time around ? Is a 17 year repose really necessary ? I’ve always treated you locusts well, you know. All I’m asking is to hear Locust & Fugue In D Minor once more.